Letter to the Caulfields

Dear Mrs. and Mr. Caulfield,

Your son, Holden Caulfield, has been placed under my car in the rest home he is currently staying in. That biggest thing that I have noticed about your son is his failure to interact with piers in the home. So far we have diagnosed this as Avoidant Personality Disorder or APD. While talking with Holden in our on-on-one sessions, I have noticed a trend with his sister, Pheobe. he loves his sister very much, but he can only spend a short amount of time with her, otherwise it is not as enjoyable. He may also have Compulsive Lying Disorder (CLD) which basically explains his habitual lying to himself or others. He is addicted to the thrill of lying. He loves it. His vital signs shoot up when he tells a lie, but he has perfected it. He has almost no tell when he lies and almost everyone  believes him.

 He could also be diagnosed with being a compulsive liar because he believes himself most of the time. When he tells me about a girl named Sally, he tells me how he didn't scream at her and never hurt her feelings, but when I contacted Sally about Holden, she got very upset and said she would rather not talk to about him. I am not saying the girl is telling the truth, because teenagers lie, but given the evidence, it is more likely it is Holden.

He may also have bipolar disorder or depression. My best recommended advice is to socialize him. The depression and APD may just be because he is lonely. The CLD could be caused by minimal social interaction and the bipolar disorder may just be because of the depression. The influx of hormones and what-not. However, I will keep and eye on him and try to socialize him. Depending on how he starts doing within the next week, expect him home within the month. I will keep you updated and he may be able to speak with you all soon.

Sincerely,
Director of the Cincinnati Rest Home